It's Not About The Cookies

Here's my response to a question sent in by a dear friend and colleague. 💌

Dear Yehudit,

I love baking, especially for other people, but my partner won’t eat my cookies because he’s trying to build healthier eating habits.

I find this totally reasonable and I want him to be healthy. I also want to respect his boundaries.

I find this totally reasonable and I want him to be healthy. I also want to respect his boundaries.

So I didn’t have a problem with this, until some friends of ours offered him some cookies they made and he ate three. I wish I could say it was the first time too.

I’m not sure what to make of this. I know it’s a small thing, but it’s bugging me.

Signed,

Hurt and Confused Baker

Dear Hurt and Confused,

Let's start with this:

It's not about the cookies.

Asking you not to bake cookies so that he is less tempted to eat them is what he needs to be healthier at home.

Your willingness to do that shows you care about him and respect his request.

Life holds temptations, and sometimes we are strong in our convictions. Other times not.

Sometimes, we choose to break our own rules and yet still want to keep them, at least for the most part.

What I am hearing in your question is that baking is a way that you show love and caring for others. By asking you not to bake, your partner is taking away that piece of how you show love.

What I am hearing in your question is that baking is a way that you show love and caring for others. By asking you not to bake, your partner is taking away that piece of how you show love.

While I am pretty sure you are not saying "Well, if you love me you would eat my love-infused cookies, and not insult me by eating someone else's especially in front of me,” it feels to me that there might be a little of that in there.

Whatever the case may be, try saying this:

“I understand that you don’t want cookies because you are trying hard to watch what you eat. I like to show love and caring by baking for you. Is there something else that I could make for you that fulfills both of our needs? Can you suggest some healthier alternatives? Can we work through this together?”

This way, I believe that you both will be able to have your needs met.

Yes, the situation may seem minor, but it’s a great opportunity to practice healthy communication and with practice develop trust that will be helpful when you’re faced with the “big things.”

Hope that helps!

Peace,

Yehudit

If you have a question, please send me a message. I may not have "all the answers," but I'll do everything I can to give you a supportive and encouraging response. 📫