• Yehudit Zicklin-Sidikman

Mr. Charming Hasagoodjob



The other day, I got a call asking how to help a woman whose husband picked the kids up early from school one day, three months ago, and has been refusing to let her see them since.


I know. I know. Lawyers. Courts. Social Services. See, these are systems that aren't really supportive of..... can you guess? The women.

See, these are systems that aren't really supportive of..... can you guess? The women.

Why? Well, Mr. Charming Hasagoodjob walks into said meetings with the whole suit, put-together, "you-have-no-idea" how dangerous my wife is attitude, and because he has never done anything wrong to anyone else ever, his story has merit. She, of course, the hysterical distraught “you-stole-my-babies” mom looks like a lunatic and he is so good at making that argument.


Could the shoe be on the other foot? Absolutely. And unfortunately, I also know of cases where it was. But how do we find a way to educate the services who are supposed to help to maintain neutrality as they walk through these tough situations?


How do we, people who know the situation, or at least know something about it, support the parties in a way that leads to a healthy resolution?


And what if it was a doctor, teacher, lawyer, or even respected martial artist that you knew?

Would you be comfortable stepping up and stepping in to be that bystander intervening?

Would you be comfortable stepping up and stepping in to be that bystander intervening? The one who says to Mr. Charming Hasagoodjob, "You need to find a way to solve this for the wellbeing of your children and to stop punishing your ex-wife for not being everything you wanted."


It is ok to have differences, disagreements, and make decisions to move on with your lives in a way that respects both sides and keeps children safe. For that, we have professionals who can help negotiate real solutions to real problems. Just because you no longer want to maintain a marriage does not mean that you have the right to abuse the other party.


Shame on the professionals who cannot see through the act. You are not protecting the children. You are enabling the abuser.


Together we need to commit to ending abuse. All of it.

Together we need to commit to ending abuse. All of it.

It is time to #DemandChange


PS: The author understands that relationships are complicated, people are complicated, and any gender can be on the receiving end of abuse.