Signed, Heartbroken But Convinced

Here's my response to another great question that was sent in by one of you. 💌

Dear Yehudit,

Recently, I’ve started to realize that a very close friendship that means a lot to me is actually doing more harm than good.

It’s not that this friend has done anything wrong, and I’m not angry.

But we’ve talked about our issues, and even though the conversations have gone well and left us both feeling better, I don’t think our patterns have changed (and it’s not for lack of trying).

I’ve come to the decision that even though I care about my friend so much, and it will be a huge loss, it’s time to end things, at least for now.

I’ve come to the decision that even though I care about my friend so much, and it will be a huge loss, it’s time to end things, at least for now. I think this is the best for her, too.

I think this would be best for her, too.

I don’t want to ghost her, but I don’t want to put her through another intense talk, either.

So, I’m not sure how to tell her this.

Signed,

Heartbroken But Convinced

Dear Convinced,

I actually believe that your answer is in your letter.

You care about your friend, you don’t want to ghost her, and you need a break.

My gut feeling is that break will start happening naturally, now that you have made up your mind and you are not interested in another long conversation.

My suggestion is finding your mirror and practicing what you’d like to say when this friend reaches out.

Something like, “Hey, I really care about you, and at this point in our relationship, I really need a break. Something is not working for me, and I believe that a bit of distance might help me figure it out. Or not. I can’t know at this point. But what I do know is that I need a time-out. Let’s give it a few months and made check-in again at the end of the summer.”

What I do know is that based on your letter, you really do know what you need to do here.

And as I was typing that, my feeling is that this is what you might need to practice for you.

For you friend, you might want to come up with a much shorter and clearer version. What I do know is that based on your letter, you really do know what you need to do here.

You got this!

Yehudit

If you have a question, please send me a message. I may not have "all the answers," but I'll do everything I can to give you a supportive and encouraging response. 📫