"This Kid Has NO Brains!”

"This kid has NO brains!”

Anonymous the Elder

Sitting and having my coffee this morning in a shop in Mitzpe, I overheard a kerfuffle between a kid (guessing he’s about 8 years old) and his parents.

Mom was doing her best to understand what happened, and to explain that whatever had happened was not the way she wanted things to happen in the future.

Was it perfect? Nope. Was it good enough?

Yeah.

And.....

The conversation was ended by dad, in public, and in front of two other siblings saying the above: This kid has NO brains.

The conversation was ended by dad, in public, and in front of two other siblings saying the above: This kid has NO brains.

Ouch.

The last few days have had me exploring a book that I was given almost 30 years ago called “Screws in the Head” by Emanu-El and given to me by her daughter, Gabi z”l.

I remember Gabi saying to me clearly that the screws were driven into our heads by the negative sayings of others and that’s why they hurt so much. The high school English teacher whose voice rings in my head every time I sit down to write.

“Andrea, you will never be a writer.”

Or the drama teacher who, my senior year, scoffed at me, “once a sophomore, always a sophomore!”

At that time, 30 years ago, that was exactly what I needed to hear.

Yes, forty years after leaving high school I still hear their voices in my head. Is it as frequent?

Yes, forty years after leaving high school I still hear their voices in my head. Is it as frequent?

Of course not. Is it as painful? Nope. Can I laugh it off? Or say to myself “do you see me now???”

Of course.

That doesn’t mean that their words did not become a “screw in my head.” A pain point that follows me every time I think it, or every time I hear it.

And yes, I am pretty sure this dad was just repeating behavior that he’d witnessed or experienced in his past because that is what we do.

Time to change the culture around all of this.